WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
