paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
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i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
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I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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