so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
