Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
so much tequila, so little girl.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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