Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
