where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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