Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize
