HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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