Dual....:-)
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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