The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
