So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
