I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
