I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
