ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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