This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Congratulations! We have a period
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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