At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I wish there were birth control emojis
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
