just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
