just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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