Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
