I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
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He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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