im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
