He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
