so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
