Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
