i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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