I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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