I wish life had little blips of pornography
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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