She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
As shirtless as possible
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
