if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
