in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
