I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
