There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
