Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
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My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
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He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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