marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
