Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
