if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
