APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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