I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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