we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
They took my balls.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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