You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize