she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
