no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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