hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you win again, gameday.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
