If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
