I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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