I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
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I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
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I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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