I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
