on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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