dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
