That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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