she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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