pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I need a beard to bite.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
