He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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