Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
