he wants to bone in the snuggie
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
