We're facebook friends in real life
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
