being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
