She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
