Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
