it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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