you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
