whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
