ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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