David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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