Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
