i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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