She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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