Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
